sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
