Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
