Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
