Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
