It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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