just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
