happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
