Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
