And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
