how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
