Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
