He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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