Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
