You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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