What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
