I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
