I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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