that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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