He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So vagazzling was a success
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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