So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
