I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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