They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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