After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize