How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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