so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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