So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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