I can text with my tongue
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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