you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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