What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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