Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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