Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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