can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
