he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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