No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
