TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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