i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
it was like his penis was on wheels.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
