Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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