for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
