I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize