well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
