Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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