The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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