She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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