do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
