this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
3 2 1 whiskey
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
