i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
