I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
