that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize