Got a toothbrush?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
