dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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