She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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