WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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