i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
