I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize