Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
