You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
