We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
