ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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