If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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