Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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