So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
