he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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