but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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