So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
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