I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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