This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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