If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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