bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
