that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
