I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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