I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
The air taste purple.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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