i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
